Re: [Jambo] A Husband remembered his role after a wife's beating !!

I've just read the above article, and wondered at the skewed reasoning, and the justification for husband-beating that Mnubi espoused in her treatise.

Indeed, one can only sympathise at the extent to which her 'grandfather's spirit' drove her; beating the sense into her husband. This new 'sense' begs a lot of questions, one of which is the ultimate motivation for marriage in this go-getting electronic age. Is it to find a man/woman who can provide food, shelter, and comfortable 'perks' for their families or is it a life-partner, to cherish even when the chips are down?

Mnubi finds justification for 'beating' sense into her 'Zombie' weed-smoking husband, and forgets the long hours(60-80 hrs) he worked, to fill in when she was studying for a nursing certificate. In her highly stressed, and insane long hours of work, something had snapped. In her now irrational thinking, she may never know that she herself, had also lost her 'husband' long, long time ago, when he had snapped, pushed by economic needs, to being a pot-smoking, Heineken drinking Zombie!

I know I risk being called a Male-chauvinistic pig, but it is important to realise that both male, and female have their stress capacities. And whatever the social norms are( i.e a man shall provide for his family etc), we ought to realise that there are variables to our(men & women) capability and ability to provide for our families, to sustain and endure stress and hardship.

It is a known fact that in today's fast, changing world, skills and/or education will guarantee one a well paying job. This fact is constant whether you are male or female. On the other hand,our genetic make-up, and family background will determine how far we cope with extraordinary demands to our capabilities. This is also a constant whether you are male or female.In a highly competitive, and fast shrinking labour market( whether skill-based or just plain manual) it is the fittest who will survive.

If you cannot cope in your work place, it is only at home that you may find solace and sanctuary to offload your stressful moments. This is unlikely to be the case, because many people carry the same work expectations to their houses, and this is the deathbed of many marriages.

The scenario painted by Mnubi above, portrays an unfortunate picture of many men( her husband had lost his 'humanity' or 'manhood' sometime in the past) today who have problems of coping with stressful situations, but hide it from everybody, including their wives by drinking or joining wrong social groups.

Whereas women expect their men to 'understand' what they are going through, they more often expect their men to be 'supermen' in all sorts of situations. There are few men for all seasons!

Many are the agonies of men, who because they are in dilemna, of changing roles of men and women,are driven into drinking and drugs to hide their pain. On the other hand, for many women because they cannot cope with this new role of working and bearing children, find outlet either in venting this frustration on their men, or solace in a women group or some distraction.

Because this new-found distraction is unconsciously intended to bring some psychological satisfaction to this individual alone, it more often works to bring imbalance to a family's harmony.

This story, is the story of many other silent families, forced by powerful market economies, a status oriented society that ties achievement to the amount of money we have, and the material things we own. It has no patience with quality time families have for one another.

Good old laughter, dialogue, peace and love are substituted with movies, alcohol and peer pressure.

It is time people stopped to think, and took stock of real family values that have been have sacrificed at the alter of materialism.

My heart goes to all young families.

Daniel Onyango