Adiera about Luo "Men and Doho"

Zippy.

Mos mogundho. Pod ok ang'eyo maber kaka onega aduok penjoni. This is because ok ang'eyo ni in nyar kanye kata ni irom nade kata ni onyuoli kanye to idongo kanye? All these would give me enough panoramic view inorder to address your problem. For example, talking to a town born and grown lady would be different from talking with a lady brought up at rural areas who knows well her culture and the real life there. Now, your case I even don't know ni onyuoli Kenya, isomo Kenya koreka idhi Amerka koso onyuoli kuno ma in ikia kata ni dohono to ang'o except from what you might be reading from books.

Fine, with that introduction in mind, let me point out some things about the questions you have raised and what I have seen in the message you sent.

As you may have known, joluo as from time immemorial had this poligamous life style, yaani, one man marrying more than one wife according to his capability. It was a sign of being well off and capable of maintaining many wives and many children. Some also went for the second wife if the first wife had problem of for example having children. Of all these women (Mikayi = First wife, Nyachira = Second wife and Reru = Third wife etc), the most respected or better the real queen of home is the Mikayi. We can say in modern terms that she is the official wife of the man. The rest would therefore fit as concubines... Oops, that sounds strong but in reality that is the thing. Hope you are not going for this...

Now, you talk of falling in love with someone you even don't know. Well, again I say ni akia ni in jahigni adi mondo omi ang'e ni to aloso gi nyadendi matin ma tinde eka chako fall in love koso aloso gi madam ma oseneno kendo experiment various signs and stages of falling in love and thus can say ni at last I think this one is a true one because of one and two... Taking of falling in love in cyber is really hard. All is virtual and it is hard to know the person well as the case of being with someone. all the same, there are people who have known each other via internet and ended up marrying and living happily.

In the olden days, and even today in some parts or Luoland, people don't just meet and fall in love like that. Joluo permited a kind of thing miluongo ni osiep. But these osiep were not meant for marriage. Actually they were jogwen'g and sometimes these kind of osiep ended up in nyithindo or ich which joluo called ich simba, meaning that the child was a no-one's child, fatherless, bastard, illegitimate child.... When the person was seriously on the mission of getting married, he/she would inform and the "ja-wan'gyo" the go-between (ie one who knows well the other party) would come in. This has changed drastically and in the seventies and eighties you would hear the talkd of "aromogo to oyiena" as the new style of the no lasting marriages in towns whereby they could come home in the rural and present themselves to their parents and when asked how the process was, they would say they met and agreed...

According to what you say, you live in California and the other half in UK. God, I have a thousand and one questions lingering in my mind but there will be no space to put them here now. And again, I wonder how long you have stayed in California? Whether you have friends there? Whether you know people back in our motherland Kenya? I have no information of the mashada.com which you mention and thus can't comment over it or why or who are the kind of people who frequent such web sites...

Actually, befoer I finish, I would like to pose some questions to you: It is true that love/beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, in this case, you whom you are in love with this married man in Uk while you live in California. The question is, is the wife of this man aware of this deal between you? The traditional Luos used to discuss this with their wives before bringing in the second, the third etc. We are talking here of modern people I suppose, and probably christians, though I don't know, who have another view and concept of poligamy even though men would like to have all women in this world but there must be agreement between the couple. In fact, sometimes in our culture, it was even the Mikayi herself who would suggest of giving even her sister or cousin to his husband incase they had difficulty for example in having children (of course, it was the woman who was considered to be having problem/be barren and not the man. Today, the science has revealed many things...). And finally, nyar gi wegi, could you tell me why you feel so much in love with a married man whom you even don't know? Chuo orumo koso? This is not a joke. I think it is a serious element to meditate before you go into these serious contracts. I respect your religion or your confession or your state but allow me to share this short element from the Bible as a christian (Mark 10:6-9. Jesus said, "From the beginning of cration God made them male and female. This is why a man must leave father and mother, and the two become one body. They are no longer two, therefore, but one body. So then, what God has united, man must not divide).

I sincerely hope to have given light to you in the issue which is disturbing you and you needed to share with someone and hope that reading through these lines, it may make a difference as you said in your mail. I also hope to have treated it with all sincerity and seriousness which it deserves and look forward to responding to what I may have said and has not remain clear.

Erokamano and may God help you get the true man he created for you.
Jatich Ruoth e piny mar Spain.
Fr. Gordon Okoth - Wuod Asembo.