AGWAMBOMANIA IS HERE

Readers,

The pangs and perils of multiethnic, multiparty democracy have caught up with Kenyan political wise men. Their crytal balls are getting muckier by the hour; thanks to a phenomenon known as Agwambomania. The illusive winning formula is being sought by major parties, each of which is trying to woo and swallow the smaller parties in marriages of convenience. Will it be ODM, ODM-K or KIBAKI TENA PARTY?

Have you noticed that the hottest position in Kenyan Politics today is the post of Vice-President? It is so hot that some of the contestants have refused to tip their hands for fear of losing votes from other tribes. Now, these gentlemen and gentlewomen wish they had created the post of Prime Minister five years ago. This could have helped to lower the maket-value of the VP post.

But that is in hindsight.

By the way, ODM was a child of the refusal of the Government of the Day to create a new Constituion with checks and balances, including a strong Parliament; a strong and independent Judiciary, an independent Elctoral Commission; a majimbonized system (not exactly the holly cow known as majimbo) that gives budgeting powers and tax-collection authorities to Localities; and an executive Primier. Now, some Presidential Candidates are caught up in Agwambomania and are spending sleepless nights baby-sitting restless MPs and Tribal Chiefs wanting to decamp in the direction of ODM. Such defections are not going to be along philosophical lines. What mattters is that one is in a party that assures him or her of being elected (My Readers, being a Kenyan MP is real insurance against poverty; any king would envy the post, considering the little work an MP does) Agwambomania: Let me distil this holly-sounding name for you: In its most recent act, the man known as Agwambo, not only won the Orange Presidential seat but also created the post of Running Mate, also known as Vice-President, and The Pentagon of Chiefs (this should not be confused with the Military Organization of America). He also declared that the Pentagon is a brotherhood of equals in which the President---when his vision materializes---is just another figurehead with no real value. The knee-jerk reaction to this couragious deed is what is known as Agwambomania.

What Agwambomania allows a tribal chief or MP (member of Parliament) to do is to publicly set certain conditions to every Presidential candidate. "Give me the VP post as I give you my people's votes." In Nyakach one Hon Gentleman called this Chuth Ber---what my Kikuyu Friends call Kwega na Kwiga (Help with spelling here!!!).

One MP in North Eastern Province was so Agwambomaniad that he even read to the Leader himself what is the equivalent of "the riot act" in politics : "You promised, but you did not deliver. My People and I will accept your eleventh-hour goodies; but thank you, Sir, My People and I are in ODM to stay." (See elsewhere in this Blog). Such declarations are Biblical; they come from men and women with deep philosophical, political, social or spiritual convictions. When such a statement comes from an MP whose people battle the unreliable elements and unyielding sunbaked land, day and night, then it is the result of Agwambomania. Agwambomania allows an otherwise very docile man to gain extraordinary courage; it give you and I the courage to write and read these lines in this bog. It gives every Kenyan the FREDOM to think and speak, and vote according to once conscience.

Agwambomania also brings together some very strange bedfellows: You the voter can count them across the Kenyan social landscape. Members of this group compete one another for your shillings during the day, then pay 1000000/= per plate of ugali, sikuma and spareribs in their schemes to nip Agwambomania in the bud. Every voter must watch out for them. Watch for the signs: when all over sudden their gleaming, money-loaded Land Rovers rumble through your furlowed land, know that the time is nigh; hide your vote, for Mzee Emilio is about to blow the whistle.

Joseph R. Alila (Author)

Read "The Wise One of Ramogiland" by Joseph R. Alila (ISBN 14303-2554-3) for essential orientation in the game of wise men and tribal chiefs in Kenyan Politics.