Tony Mochama scans Nyachae's Chieftainship
(sent by Nicholas Mireri)

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Why people cannot p** on Ford-P chieftain
Published on October 4, 2007, 12:00 am

BY Tony Mochama

The doctors in London must have given Roads Minister Mr Simeon Nyachae a clean bill of health a month ago when he went for a check-up. Perhaps it was the exuberance of getting a second chance at life that had the Minister looking totally re-energized and re-invigorated as he addressed and led a group of youths in chanting Gusii songs of war. Quite frankly, one of the songs sounded like a very barbaric version of Bob Marley's Reggae Ambassador chorus, "Oh oh oh."

Youths' The brigade of vagrants that Nyachae was working up was clad in red shukas and had painted their faces red -- perhaps to blend with the red soils of Gusii, the way American commandoes paint their faces green to blend with the jungle.

And who were these red-faced youths seeking to "circumcise"? MPs Mr William Ruto and Mr Omingo Magara. And the "ceremony" was indeed conducted in the latter's own South Mugirango constituency. Political activist and parliamentary aspirant Chris Bichage was a victim by association.

As the trio disembarked from a helicopter to attend the fundraising to which they had been mischievously invited by the area DC, all hell broke loose as 'Vijana na Nyachae' unleashed their wazee, shtuka campaign on the politicians, assaulting them with all manner of crude weapons (as the Administration Police stood by) forcing them to run for dear life with the stone throwing youth in hot pursuit.

Explaining the presence of the youthful goons, Nyachae said he was raising funds for their benefit and that any fool knows the youths dress in that manner at that time of the year. But he never told anybody who else the youths have attacked in the past at that time of the year, much less why.

The Minister also did not tell us why the youth looked like they were spoling for war and why they had armed themselves with crude weapons anyway? Did the three politicians threaten to snatch the funds raised by Nyachae? If so, then Ruto and accomplices are not clever thieves. No fool goes on a thieving mission in a chopper, in broad daylight, with escorts armed with pistols!

The Standard's senior political analyst Mr Dennis Onyango explains: "Nyachae was simply defending his democratic space -- and when he sent wakina Ruto and Magara fleeing, he was expanding his democratic freedoms to fundraise in South Mugirango, and Greater Gusii in general."

Four days after the attack, the ODM-Pentagon group rode into Kisii Town and Raila, their captain, led them in forgiving everybody, including the goons and Nyachae.

But Nyachae, true to his character, was not in a similarly charitable mood. "Apologise to who? For what? What crime have I committed? It is very foolish for anyone to threaten me with the sack. I am a retired man who is not looking for a job. Gwatu hawawesi kunikojolea (people cannot pee on me)!" retorted the Son of Nyandusi.

Lets scrutinise the statements through factual lenses.

Nobody had threatened Nyachae with the sack. Or should we rephrase? Nobody had dared threaten the Roads Minister with the sack, and, as per the Constitution of Kenya, only one person in the Republic of Kenya can fire a Minister -- the appointive authority, aka President.

Nyachae is not a retired man (but he could be tired), unless he "retired into politics", and, being Minister of Roads in a year when his President has promised the country millions of road miles (check out the Kibaki campaign billboard that towers over Kengele's Pub and restaurant, Nairobi West), does not exactly sound like an idler's job.

Unless Nyachae is suffering a bout of amnesia or dementia, he was given a very important job a fortnight ago -- to lead the redirection of Kibaki's re-election bid. Tip: Youth in red shukas and painted red faces are not a good start -- redirection or otherwise!

Getting into a peeing contest with the Pentagon, just because they have peeved and pissed him off, won't enhance Nyachae's effort to have Kibaki re-elected. Kukojoleana is the sport of drunken football and rugby fans and not suitable indulgence for a senior elder of Gusii politics.

Yet the Roads Minister denies what we all saw in the full glare of television cameras, preferring to stick to the satirical tale that all he saw was "helicopters" in the air.

But the fact is, the media covers everything; that there is no amount of verbal obfuscation can obliterate what is on TV footage.

Writer C.P. Scott observed, "the voice of the Press must not be a megaphone", but Nyachae's actions on the material day spoke louder than any of his words to the contrary ever will. It is hard to understand Nyachae's rage when he said, "Satan walks amongst members of the Press." If anything, Nyachae walked among armed youths clad in red shukas.

In a more civilized society, the Minister would have resigned on moral grounds or the President would have censored him. But this is Kenya.

Nyachae by himself is a disciplined worker and an exacting taskmaster in his long career as businessman, technocrat and politician.

But why the indiscipline in South Mugirango? Did his London doctors miss something? Perhaps the old man is old beyond his years and needs some rest from active politics. Born to the late Senior Chief Musa Nyandusi, Nyachae went to college in England, returned, and became a DC in Nyandarua, then a DC in Nairobi after Independence before Kenyatta made him PC of Rift Valley in 1965. In the 1970s, Nyachae became a wealthy wheat farmer in the Mau-Narok area, joined the boards of several Asian-owned companies and started the Sansora Agricultural Group.

In 1984, Simeon became Chief Secretary and ran the office like a fiefdom. The post was abolished and Nyachae had to wait six long years to make his comeback in Kanu as Nyaribari Chache MP As Agriculture Minister in 1996, he imposed a limited ban on sugar imports to protect sugarcane farmers but President Moi lifted the ban a day later in the spirit of liberalization and for political expedience. Nyachae's bravery came to the fore in 1998, when he stormed out of Kanu to form Ford-P.

It is this vehicle that he sought to ride to the Presidency in, but after Raila declared Kibaki Tosha, (even after Simeon had fed the Rainbow group at the Serena that October morning), Nyachae bought a few choppers and took to the skies as he took a stab at the Presidency. He managed a very poor third position, with only 345,000 votes (Kalonzo Musyoka, pay attention at the back there!).

But he needs to win over the hearts of Kenyans if he is to get Kibaki back to State House. And although Nyachae commands some respect from some people and fear from others, fewer would call him adorable. Yet, as Abe Lincoln said, "public sentiment is everything, and without it, nothing can succeed".

Brute force and force of will are all right, but people need to see a more human and humane Nyachae. Maybe he could acquire a pipe and frolic with his many pigs on a TV documentary ? Simeon Says (a story of "My Day") -- his wives and an admirable son like lawyer Charles in the background, lose the tough walking stick and buy a nice Stetson, Hawaii shirts, pan to a stroll among the wheat fields of Trans Nzoia or maybe his green banana plantation in the native Kisii.

Anything soft, but not war dances with men a third his age on TV, who resemble malignant puppets high on banana wine and power propaganda.

Of higher importance than the chutzpah of Magara to Nyachae are his President's slipping poll numbers, especially as Nyachae is his re-election campaign redirection chairman (Wekesa be damned)!

Kenyan politics, as Raila knows, are image politics, not issue politics. Nyachae has to worry about Kibaki's general popularity, not his popularity on particular economic issues. The appearance must be of a caring government, not merely a "doing" government. Kibaki's minders and handlers, with Nyachae superficially being the chief among them, must begin to have deference for public opinion, not merely to "be strong" and come across as arrogant and insufferable.

Otherwise, come election time, they will shed tears of genuine defeat. Nyachae may know that Kibaki is a great brand, and that Raila has more Achilles' heels than Imelda Marcos on a shopping "sprenzy", but mine today is not to speculate on strategies for the Presidency for His Excellency. That is Nyachae's job -- and his work is cut out for him.

"Unless men please, they are not listened to at all and in that inevitable hour they will fall."

Hon. Simeon Nyachae would do well to remember that mock coffin the aggravated Gusii students from the University of Nairobi deserted at the GPO roundabout as protest at his anti-Omingo activities is the mood of most Kenyans. It contained the remains of his political career, which he violently killed the previous weekend in South Mugirango. Now all he can do is sit tight outside his caveman's cave, and hope that, in three months, that career will be resurrected.